The Guillotine

By royal decree, I hereby announce the official state laws:

Grounds for beheading:  
1. Eating my lunch. I do not like to share. Keep your fork to yourself and you may keep your head. 
2. Being loud. Especially girly shrieking. Keep the decibel at a reasonable level i.e. don't brings the dogs running or I will let them eat your head.  
3. Keeping me waiting. You will be decapitated. The end. 
4. Walking slowly. If I am behind you on the sidewalk, watch out for my elbows. They are samurai. They will chop you at the neck. 
5. Doing anything slowly. This goes back to #3. If you are slow, it means I am waiting. Thus does your head go rolling.  

Actions deserving reward: 
1. Giving me snacks. You will receive one smile for each snack, two for chocolate ones. 
2. Telling funny stories. Laughter is the best medicine and I like to stay healthy-Two chocolate snacks awarded for each funny story. 
3. Swiftness. If you are quick and efficient, I like you. Cash tips for being swift. 
4. Going to bed early. I am a firm believer in being tired and I enjoy like-minded people. Your reward is my esteem. 
5. Massages. My ultimate favourite thing in the world. If you hook me up with a massage I will bestow upon you my other ultimate favourite thing-peanut butter.